My wife informed me the other day that she was top heavy. “I have to be honest,” I told her, “but I never noticed this.”
“That’s because you are a man,” she said.
Mary Ellen came to this conclusion not by looking in the mirror, but by looking in the kitchen cabinets. “You wouldn’t have known about this problem,” continued Mary Ellen, “because men never look inside pantries.”
Things were getting weird, even for me.
Mary Ellen’s revelation about being top-heavy came about when we decided to redo our kitchen. By the way, I think that “redo” is the wrong word. If you are redoing something, that means you did it once before. (A woman sometimes gets a hairdo, but it’s really a hair redo.) I have no memory of ever doing our kitchen. We moved in 20 years ago . . . and there it was. We haven’t done another thing to it since 1992, except replace the toaster. Now, apparently, we are redoing it.